Four limiting beliefs I had to break to overcome social discomfort

I’d always seen myself as shy. I often felt like an outsider. I didn’t speak up in class.

I was criticised for this by others, but most of all, I chastised myself. Hard.

Beating myself up about being ‘weird’ and ‘shy’ and ‘too quiet’ took its toll on my mental wellbeing. It wasn’t until later in high school that I developed what could be described as ‘social anxiety.’

It was a catch-22. My nervousness to speak up made me more anxious, and it became a cycle of self-consciousness. This continued into my twenties.

It wasn’t until I started taking a more analytical look at some of my stories about who I was that things began to shift.

I have since given workshops and spoken worldwide. I also run a coaching practice speaking to international clients, helping many with their anxiety.

Seeing that my suffering was caused — not by other people and circumstances — but rather my own mind, was life-changing.

By challenging my own thinking through questioning its legitimacy, I was able to see myself for who I really was.

I really was making everything up.

The more I questioned these beliefs, the more my true confidence came through.

Here are some of those beliefs that kept me trapped in social anxiety, and brought me so much relief when I simply learned to let go:

1. ‘I am not like other people.’

We’re all obviously different, but it wasn’t until I saw how similar I was to other people that I began to feel more connected.

Our sense of disconnectedness is a significant source of unnecessary social anxiety. Ultimately, I saw this as merely an idea.